Friends, enemies, acquaintances, it's good to see you again. Sorry for posting so late in the day today. You can always tell how much I've drank the night before by how late in the day I write this stupid thing. I guess I don't really have a lot to say to you. I mean, what's really going on? The Cubs had a GREAT opportunity last night with the Cardinals and Astros already in the loss column from earlier in the day, and Rich Harden on the mound against Reds' no-namer Justin Lehr who was making just his second career start...and what happened? Of course, the guy throws a complete game shut out and Cincinnati beats the Northsiders 4-0 in one of the most un-eventful games of the season. The Sox had a nice win last night, but as I'm writing this they trail the Angels 9-4 in the top of the 9th inning at The Cell. A loss I presume. I'm still waiting to get some mixed copies of my EP that I recorded over the weekend. Hopefully that will give me something to talk about and they'll turn out to be decent enough to where I'll want to start playing some shows again...Seen any good movies lately? Me neither. I'm really looking forward to Tarantino's new flick that is coming out in a couple of weeks "Inglorious Bastards." From what I've read, it's about American soldiers who interrogate Nazi's back in World War II with very convincing methods. It stars Brad Pitt and I'm not sure who else. Knowing Tarantino's history, I'm sure that Samuel L. Jackson is in there somewhere yelling at the top of his lungs.
What a funny thing being an actor/actress must be. I can't imagine that it's very difficult, but with that being said, it's really easy to recognize the BAD ones. My goodness. There's nothing funnier than watching some really terrible acting. Whenever somebody asks me who my favorite actor is, I find it very difficult to answer. I have no problem answering who my favorite band is (The Smiths), or my favorite food (pizza), or my favorite color (navy blue), but there's something about those actors/actresses that makes it hard to give an immediate answer.
I guess maybe it's jealousy/envy, but it bothers me that dickholes like Ashton Kutcher and Vin Diesel make a ton of money doing movies when they don't display a particular talent of any kind. I'm never mad about athletes making it big, they're able to do something that no one else can. Musicians (whether I like their music or not), tend to have some talent as well, so I guess I have nothing negative to say about them either, what stand-up comedians do (even the bad ones) has to be one of the most difficult things of all of the performers, so they're safe in my book, but what does an actor/actress actually do?
Let's see here, I want you to act like you're doing something (something that real people do every single day), and we're going to give you as many takes as you need to get this scene right, and how about this? We'll even sub a stunt man for all of the difficult stuff because we don't want you to actually work...oh yeah, and we're going to pay you millions to do this. How does that sound Mr. Affleck? WHAT???!!! How did WE miss out on this? We all should have wanted to be actors/actresses when we were kids, NOT firemen and baseball players. We really missed the boat on this one!
I haven't done a list in awhile so here goes..."THE 10 WORST ACTORS in HOLLYWOOD" by Matt Weber.
10.) Vince Vaughn - Definitely not a popular pick I'm sure, but this guy plays the same exact character in every movie that he does. He's smart, funny and engaging, but somehow he gets amazingly hot chicks with very below average looks (if you don't mind me judging a dude) and he gives you the same jokes with the same delivery in all of his roles. I'd like to see him NOT be "Trent" from "Swingers" in every movie that he's in. I don't think that that's asking too much.
9.) Seth Rogan - A VERY poor man's Vince Vaughn. Broke and under a bridge he's so poor.
8.) Nicholas Cage - He's actually done some pretty good movies ("Raising Arizona," "Leaving Las Vegas"), and I give him credit for taking some chances with certain roles, but good god! This guy is a TERRIBLE actor. I just can't handle that expression-less delivery that he brings. Does his face even move?
7.) Keanu Reeves - An easy pick. Really, he's fairly similar to Nicholas Cage in that he has been in some decent movies ("Point Break," "The Devil's Advocate"), but he has absolutely NO acting ability. He'll always be "Ted Logan" as far as I'm concerned.
6.) Ben Affleck - Getting off of Matt Damon's coat tails was the WORST thing that this guy could have done. Not only is he a terrible actor, but I'm not willing to give him credit for co-writing "Good Will Hunting." There's NO WAY that this assclown could have contributed anything to a movie of that caliber. Stick to small doses Benny, do us all a favor and think roles like "Boiler Room" as the extent of your career.
5.) Sylvester Stallone - Just watch Rocky One through Six, Rambo One through Four, Over the Top, Stop! Or My Mom will Shoot, Cliffhanger, Demolition Man, etc., etc. If you need any more convincing, watch Judge Dredd. Ol' Rocko is one of the worst of all time.
4.) Arnold Schwarzenegger - I didn't think that I would ever be happy that he's the Governor of one of our fifty states. But as long as that means that he ain't acting, California keep voting.
3.) Dane Cook - I give him credit for doing the stand-up (even though it's so bad that I'm cringing just thinking about it), but seeing that he is somehow getting consistent roles in Hollywood while our country's unemployment rate continues to skyrocket...depressing.
2.) Ashton Kutcher - I dig the fact that he's from the midwest, and that he's a huge Cubs/Bears fan, but come on. How lucky can one guy be? He did that super annoying show on MTV "Punk'd," and somehow blossomed that into Demi Moore and a string of bad movies. Seeing him try and act in a serious role "The Butterfly Effect," is STILL one of the funniest things that I've ever witnessed.
...AND THE NUMBER ONE WORST ACTOR IN HOLLYWOOD ACCORDING TO ESTEEMED MOVIE CRITIC...ME!!!...
1.) Vin Diesel - I have NO idea where this guy came from. I have NO idea what movie directors/producers find appealing about him. I couldn't tell you WHO is buying tickets to the "Fast and the Furious" movies, or playing the video games, but WE need to take Vinnie and all of his supporters and put all of them into a line of fast cars that furiously drive off an enormous cliff one by one! This needs to be done soon, and effectively. I'll be sending out the corresponding details of this mission via email within the next few days.
There you have it. The 10 worst actors in Hollywood. Honorable Mention: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Will Ferrell, Sean William Scott, Steven Seagal (he probably should be number one, but he slipped my mind until now), Woody Harrelson, Burt Reynolds, Chuck Norris, Tom Cruise, Kevin Costner (definitely should have made the list, I despise this guy), Russel Crowe (personal taste) and SO many more.
Feel free to email me your picks on facebook or in the comments section of this blog. Right now I'm listening to "Trying to find a Balance" by Atmosphere. A little hip-hop on a Thursday afternoon. Drinks of choice: A&W, always refreshing.
Peace the F.
Webby
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