Hello folks and welcome to Tuesday, March 9th's edition of "Webby Files" aka your NUMBER ONE/FAVORITE/MOST IMPORTANT source of Internet fodder on the web. It's good to be with you. I'm a little sore and disappointed as my recreation league basketball season came to an end last night in the first round of the playoffs. After a rousing 4-0 start to the campaign, team "Too Old for This Shit" dropped four straight (three of the four we had the lead in the second half!) to close out the season as we finished up with an extremely lackluster .500 record. I will say this, if you want to get into REAL shape and not be a part of the disgusting obesity problems that our country is dealing with right now, then play some basketball a couple of nights a week. That my friends is conditioning. It'll put you treadmill runners to shame after about five minutes of sprinting up and down the court. You can count on it. As far as my team goes...wait 'til next year, I guess.
I've said it many times before and I'll say it again...there's really nothing more UNDER-rated than coolness. It's a trait that is hard to measure and nearly impossible to gauge, but everyone knows which of their friends are cool, and which are not. We ALL love/want to be the cool guy/girl. ALL of us. Yet, being "cool" doesn't seem to get enough credit out there when talking of attractive personality traits that people are looking for in either a friend or in someone of the opposite sex (same, if you're a gay of course).
There's really no explanation for this, but some people just seem to have "it" and it's those said people that everyone constantly wants to be around as much as possible. You don't necessarily even have to be great looking, particularly intelligent, rich or even famous/popular (although most cool people possess several of those qualities), you just have to have the right attitude/mentality that comes with being cool. I think that most cool people are born with this mindset, but I'd like to think that you "uncool" folks out there (it's very unlikely that an UN-cool person is reading "Webby Files", but I'll continue anyway) can be coached into being as cool as a cucumber. That's where I come in.
Here are four rules/suggestions/ways of life to live by in your day to day run-ins with society folks (feel free to add your own suggestions on my facebook page or in the comments section). Take these seriously and apply them right away. If you do, you'll see immediate results, guaranteed or this edition of WF is free of charge!
Okay, here we go...
1. The "C" word:
No, not cunt (although I do feel that that particular "C" word is extremely under-used. [I don't understand why women hate it so much, yet they love "club" rap songs?], but I guess it's fair to say that I don't understand a lot of what goes on in the female mind. I really do love that word though, and use it quite often). The "C" word that I'm speaking of in this case however, is CONFIDENCE. Loyal WF readers know that I think that confidence is the key to everything in life. It gets you anything that you could ever possibly want and all of those things that you're just dying to have, you only obtain to gain confidence (nice cars, homes, clothes, plastic surgery, teeth whitening products, make-up, boner pills, etc. are ALL confidence builders. Nothing more, nothing less, and that's why we get them). Confidence gets the girl, the job, the promotion and every ounce of success that this world has to offer. Period. If you're going to be cool, your most important obstacle to overcome is gaining confidence in yourself. If you can find a way to do this, everything else will take care of itself. I promise.
2. Let the game come to you.
As important as having confidence is, being OVER-confident is extremely UN-cool. So you must find a way to walk that line. An easy way to make sure that you don't cross it, is to simply "let the game come to you." What I mean by that, is you must relax on the talking about yourself out there. Unless someone actually asks you a question, just chill out and talk about universal topics or ask them questions about themselves. Especially if you're trying to pick up a girl. She doesn't want to hear about you but she DOES want to sit there and tell you everything about herself. Let her. Ask her some questions and keep your mouth shut. It works. NOBODY that is cool just sits there and talks about themselves all day. It's boring, repetitive and believe me, nobody cares. Not even your mom cares that much about your job, band, car, etc. Scope out what's going on and kind of be the quiet mysterious guy for awhile. Once the game comes to you (which it will) turn on the confidence (without talking about yourself) and you'll be amazed at the results. Works every time.
3. Don't be a pussy.
I can't stress this enough. Nobody likes a baby. Nobody. For EVERY problem that you've ever had (or ever will) there's millions of people in this world who had/have it WAY worse than you could ever imagine. Period. Everyone has problems, so don't let yourself just sit there and be depressed/angry/sad all day because of yours. Figure out how to solve them, and stop being a pussy. This applies to every issue (big or small) and will immediately change your entire outlook if you stick to it. Lost your job, huh? Well, you can lay in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself and shouting obscenities at your ceiling OR, you can stop being a pussy and get out there and find a new/better opportunity. In the meantime, try doing some things that you've never done before. If you take each challenge as an opportunity instead of a problem, you'll find that you will actually make the most out of the situation and possibly even gain some perspective. Pouting/apathy/depression has never gotten anyone anywhere and never will. Ever.
4. Be willing to put yourself out there at times.
ALL cool people are involved with some things that most people would never dare to try. This doesn't mean that you all of a sudden need to take sky diving lessons and train to climb Mt. Everest while you make notes to begin writing a 500 page novel (although with that being said, if you're doing any of that stuff, you're cool as hell). What it DOES mean is that going to work, going home, eating three meals a day, praying and then going to bed is NOT cool and NEVER will be cool under ANY circumstance. Get out there and live a little bit, people. Play some sports, write poetry, join a book club, start a band, paint a picture, drink on weekdays, take a dance class, create something, go somewhere, stay up late, eat Indian food, go to a "black" club, break the law (within reason), perform something in front of other people, etc., etc. If you're scared to try something new/or hang with people that you have NOTHING in common with, then you are UN-confident/being a pussy/and not putting yourself out there, whatsoever. You're UN-cool. It's cliche' but you really only do live once. Don't EVER forget that.
I'm 100% positive that if you strictly follow these four steps and apply them to your day to day lives you will immediately notice remarkable changes in your surroundings. Your proverbial world will be rocked. I guarantee it.
Other things to consider when being cool:
Avoid pop music/blockbuster movies of any variety (First of all they suck. Second of all...you're probably not very cool if you're listening to Miley Cirus while on your way to see Avatar, me thinks), try to be at least somewhat knowledgeable in a wide array of topics (not just stuff that you're in to), don't dress like a tool (no wife beaters, baggy jeans, Jesus sandals, hemp necklaces, etc.), personal hygiene is a definite MUST (I shouldn't have to explain this...but I do), your drinks of choice should be well thought out (no guy looks cool drinking a frilly blue drink with an umbrella in it), be passionate about something (not caring about anything can be cool for awhile, but it soon wheres off and you're just labeled as a boring dude that has no thoughts), avoid club grinding/dancing/shaking (it's impossible to be cool when you're the random guy on the dance floor trying to rub on various groups of girls. Those girls are making fun of your drunk ass and you're too UN-cool to even recognize it. Don't EVER be that guy. Regular "couples dancing" IS cool, however, and permitted when at weddings/dance halls/celebrations).
I hope that this entry has been beneficial to you. I'll talk to your cool ass later.
Hit me up on facebook or in the comments section of this blog. Right now I'm listening to Dead to Me's record "African Elephants." Great band out of San Francisco. Drink of choice: Tullamore Dew on ice is always a quality sip.
Later,
Webby
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